The Dream is Over.

I sit here at my desk writing this with the realisation that the dream is well and truly over. I said it last night to Benny and Bee but it is only just really starting to hit home that it's gone.

"What Dream?" I hear you ask. Well the great Mick dream of sleeping in every day, doing what I want whenever I want, and letting myself remain completely switched off and relaxed while still getting paid and being able to afford stuff.

For those who are unaware I have returned to work for the first time since the 19th of December 2007. I had organised for a few weeks leave starting the 24th December but on the night of the 19th I got sick and never got a chance to go back before my leave started. So it's been about a month since I've been forced to adjust to the daily grind... and I'm not adjusting well.

It was truly a great few weeks and largely contributed to my lack of regular blogging. I was in such a point of relaxation that I just couldn't be arsed. So sorry to you loyal readers that were hanging out for a blog (yeah right!) but these things happen.

The state of mental relaxation and peace I was able to achieve over the break still stuns me. I was able to somehow completely switch off and I can't remember the last time I felt like that. Barring the on call mess ups (that's another story) it wasn't until well past the halfway point in my break that I even conciously thought about work. And even then it wasn't about work activities or tasks but just the mere thought that having to go to work was something I would ever need to do again.

I rarely have a break for such a long period, I normally only take a day (or a few) here and there, and maybe that has something to do with it. Or maybe it was more to do with the timing of the break. The Christmas-New Year period is a very relaxing time after all. Lots of friends are also off work and there is loads of Test Match Cricket on TV. But I think it was more than that. Without the requirement to attend or think about any of my usual past times (footy training, footy functions, dinner with the folks, playing poker etc etc) I was literally left with a vacant calendar. So I think the timing of the holiday also played a big factor in how easy I found it to just sit back and relax.

Over the last couple of days I had started to ocassionally put out the "I don't want to go back to work" statement as it slowly dawned on me that it was nearing closer. But such was my relaxed state my heart wasn't really in it. The words were slightly empty as it still hadn't really kicked in fully that I was going to have to go back to work.

About halfway through the walk to the train station this morning it kicked in. In fact it felt, for a split second, that nothing had changed. It was the same walk to the train station at about the same time of the morning with the same feel of my work clothes and the weight of my laptop bag on my shoulder that I feel every day on the way to work. And it felt like the last three weeks were a memory or a dream.

Arriving at work and settling in has almost convinced me that time was a dream. I have the same work stack and the same level of desire to be here that I left with. I'm completely disinterested and completely detached from caring. The same stuff is going on and the same people are here... nothing has changed...

So was it all a dream?